good friday

From prison and trial they led him away to his death.
But who among the people realized that he was dying for their sins
--that he was suffering their punishment? -Is. 53:8

waking the dead -v. the glory hidden in your heart

Do you remember that though he made the heavens and the earth in all their glory, the desert and the open sea, the meadow and the Milky Way, and said, "It is good," it was only after he made you that he said, "It is very good"(Gen. 1:31). Think of it: your original glory was greater than anything that's ever taken your breath away in nature.

As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. (Ps. 16:3)

God endowed you with a glory when he created you, a glory so deep and mythic that all creation pales in comparison. A glory unique to you, just as your fingerprints are unique to you, just as the way you laugh is unique to you. Somewhere down deep inside we've been looking for that glory ever since. A man wants to know that he is truly a man, that he could be brave; he longs to know that he is a warrior; and all his life he wonders, "Have I got what it takes?" A woman wants to know that she is captivating; and all her life she wonders, "Do I have a beauty to offer?" The poet Yeats wrote:

If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright
And the lips more scarlet,
Or ask if all be right
From mirror after mirror,
No vanity's displayed:
I'm looking for the face I had
Before the world was made.
("Before the World was Made" from the poem "A Woman Young and Old")

Yes, that's it. When you take a second glance in the mirror, when you pause to look again at a photograph, you are looking for a glory you know you were meant to have, if only becuase you know you long to have it. You remember faintly that you were once more than what you have become. Your story didn't start with sin, and thank God, it does not end with sin. It ends with glory restored: "Those he justified, he also glorified" (Rom. 8:30). And "in the meantime," you have been transformed, and you are being transformed. You've been given a new heart. Now God is restoring your glory. He is bringing you fully alive. Because the glory of God is you fully alive. [...]

MUFASA: Simba.
SIMBA: Father?
MUFASA: Simba, you have forgotten me.
SIMBA: No! How could I?
MUFASA: You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba...you are more than what you have become.
SIMBA: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
MUFASA: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.

Remember who you are. You are more than what you've become.

Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. -2 Cor. 3:16-18

what's up with me

[a snippit from an email to a brother of mine]

i don't know if you know, but i've been working at a public school since october. dennis works there and i got the job because they were looking for someone to paint a mural in the school hallway with the kids. so dennis told the principal about me, i went in for an interview and everything was set. it was a contract thing, so i got paid a set amount to get the job done. it was really cool..to be in a school setting and doing art with grade 5's. there was one day when the "supernintendo" came to visit the school. apparently he comes max once a year, if at all, and the day he came i just so happened to be there working. so susan, the principal, introduced us and told him what i've been doing with the kids. he saw the mural and everything and thanked me for the difference i was making in the school. he said that i was very talented and i could make a career of it. the next week, susan came by when i was working to see how i was doing and she told me that supernintendo trevor has been talking about me to other schools and stuff and i was just like...wow. haha. i don't exactly want to spend my life painting murals in schools, but i had such a sense of peace after that. that month had been very stressful because my petition to remove the fails from first year had fell through and i was pretty much stuck...it was pretty stressful dealing with administration and of course what happened first year always comes back to bite me. but when i heard that, i got all warm and fuzzy inside..haha...like...just a great sense of peace. it was like God saying, look, i'm going to take care of you.

anyway, so before the mural was done susan asked me if i was interested in doing this tutors in the classroom program. basically, it's something for university/college students to work in a school for a total of 100 hrs for $10/hr. and you can take however long you need to complete the 100 hrs. i've actually done it with the york region board before when i was working in the library at the school anthea taught at in my first year. the good thing about the program is that you get paid through the school board, so you're permanently on their record and it counts for a lot in teacher's college apps. so of course, i applied and took the job. at that time, the school was preparing for their first school play and asked me to paint backdrops for it. so when the mural was done near the end of dec, i spent the beginning of january getting those done. that took up almost half of the hours i needed for the tutors in the classroom thing. at first i was a little concerned that i wouldn't have anything else to do to fill up the rest of my hours. but cecile, the gr5 teacher i was working with/under, asked me to teach her art lessons so i thought that was great. i've been doing that ever since. it's been really good experience, planning the lessons, teaching the kids, working more closely with them. i moved from the hallway to the classroom. hehe. i've been getting good feedback on that...it's been really encouraging and i've been learning a lot about what it takes to teach. apparently i'm a natural. haha...i think i just have the "show no fear" attitude...cuz it can be darn nerve-racking sometimes. i only have about 10 hrs left to do, but i told susan that i would stick around just for the experience and i'm really enjoying it. the school has this author's appreciation thing coming up in may where each kid in the school will have something published..a story, or just an illustration for jk/sks...to display. susan asked if i could teach each class a little art lesson to improve their drawing skills. that would be awesome cuz then i would have had experience teaching jk-gr5 instead of just focusing on the grade 5's. so i agreed to do that and apparently teachers have already been asking for me.

(wow, this is a long story...almost comes close to syd's "how i got into chiropody" story...and i'm not done. you may take 5 if needed. hehe..)

so for the past while, i've been thinking about summer plans. i can't work at daycamp this year because of summer school that ends july 9th, so that's and odd date too. i was thinking of urban promise because i miss it, but i was worried about the logistics of it becuase i wouldn't have the time to lead a team, and i would like to make some money in the summer so i can take care of myself for next year. i thought about the paid position at the scott mission camp thing in caledon, but i found out that i'd have to stay overnight and i don't want to do that becuase of my softball commitment too. so i was thinking about that a lot cuz i don't want to waste my summer.

2 weeks ago, susan told me about a "learning through the arts program" where students/artists are hired by different school through the program for a few days a year. for those days they work closely with the teacher to use the arts to directly teach curriculum material. so using art to teach social studies, dance to teach math, music to teach english...it's pretty cool. so she gave me information on how i can maybe be one of those students who can be called on to teach visual art. once you're in the program, you can be hired again and again. it's kind of like being an on-call. but anyway, that's an aside thing. she also gave me 4 application forms for helping out with summer schools through the tdsb. they're all paying jobs, half a day, for the month of july. i told her that i probably wouldn't be able to do them because summer school ends late for me, but she gave them to me anyway.

i put the package away for a few days. out of the blue i checked the schedules for the summer classes i want to take and it just so happens that my last summer school class starts at 5:30 and the summer school positions were for the morning. so that quickly prompted me to look throug the applications again. one of them was an office clerk/secretary, one was for a classroom assistant, one for a hall monitor, and one for a literacy camp. so turns out that i can be availabe to do this. only the first week of the jobs would over lap with my summer school schedule, but not really cuz the work day would be over and i'd have time to go to my own class afterwards. all the positions pay $15.25/hr so that's not bad at all...except for the hall monitor one that's $16.25 but cecile told me to run away from that because it's a terrible thing to do for a full month..haha...dealing with punks who don't want to go to class. anyway, so i read more into the literacy camp one, and not only do they help kids learn to read better, but they also do art, drama, and sports. that's the only one that's for the entire day too. ends at 3..and i'd still be able to make it to my class ok. that one was like...WHOA. TOTALLY fits me. so i applied for that and the classroom assistant one. incidentally, the day that i picked up the package again was the day before the applications were due so i had just enough time to get them done and send them in. for the applications, it came with a list of tdsb schools that had the summer school programs so i got to choose which top 3 locations i would like to be at. becuase all of them start at 8:30, transportation would be an issue because it would be so early in the morning and they're not york region schools. but i talked to my mom about it and there were schools on the list that were on the way to my dad and mom's work places so they would be able to drop me off. so that's awesome.

now, when i step back to think of everything, every little piece that's been fitting together, i'm so amazed. the past couple of months God's really been telling me that he's taking care of my future. i don't have to worry because he has a plan for me and i can set my mind at east about that. my first year at york was rough and i got rejected from the con ed program because of it. i'm still dealing with the consequences of that, but in the midst of everything, it's like God is telling me that everything is under control. i just need to focus on my tasks now and do my best in school like he's called me to. i'm so blessed because i've never actually had to job search. everything has been given to me..landed right in my lap. i've been asked for to work...even with daycamp. i've never had to struggle to work at all. and i'm the one who's in this "useless" visual art program. it's so encouraging because i know that the unique talents God has given me are being put to use. i know i'm meant to do this and i'm proud of how God made me, an artist.

waking the dead -iii. the heart of all things

You are never a great man if you have more mind than heart.

-Beauchene

On her journey down the yellow brick road -a journey, may I remind you, that grows more dangerous every step she takes- Dorothy meets a number of strange sights. She befriends the Scarecrow, and later the two of them come upon a lumberjack made of tin, standing utterly still in the forest, his ax frozen in midair. At first, he seems unable to speak. Coming closer, they discover that he is trying to say something after all. Oil...can. After a bit more misunderstanding and misinterpretation, they get the oil can to the joints of his mouth, only to find that he can speak as well as any man, but that he was rusted. Once he is freed from his prison, he begins to tell his story.

Now the movie left out a crucial point, which the author gave in his original fairy tale. The Tin Woodman had once been a real man, who had been in love with a beautiful maiden. It was his dream to marry her, once he could earn enough money to build them a cottage in the woods. The Wicked Witch hated his love, and she cast spells upon the man that caused him injury, so that one by one his limbs needed to be replaced with artifical ones, made of tin. At first it seemed an advantage, for his metal frame allowed him to work nearly as powerfully as a machine. With a heart of love and arms that never tired, he seemed sure to win.

"I thought I had beated the Wicked Witch then, and I worked harder than ever; but I little knew how cruel my enemy could be. She thought of a new way to kill my love for the beautiful Munchkin maiden, and made my axe slip again, so that it cut right through my body, splitting it into two halves. Once more the tinner came to my help and made me a body of tin. Fastening my tin arms and legs and head to it, by means of joints, so that I could move around as well as ever. But alas! I now had no heart, so that I lost all my love for the Munchkin girl, and did not care whether I married her or not...

"My body shone so brightly in the sun that I felt very proud of it and it did not matter now if my axe slipped, for it could not cut me. There was only one danger -that my joints would rust; but I kept an oil-can in the cottage and took care to oil myself whenever I needed it. However, there came a day when I forgot to do this, and, being caught in a rainstorm, before I had thought of the danger my joints had rusted, and I was left to stand in the woods until you came to help me.

"It was a terrible thing to undergo, but during the year I stood there I had time to think that the greatest loss I had known was the loss of my heart. While I was in love I was the happiest man on earth; but no one can love who has not a heart, and so I am resolved to ask Oz to give me one. If he does, I will go back to the Munchkin maiden and marry her."

Both Dorothy and the Scarecrow had been greatly interested in the story of the Tin Woodman, and now they knew why he was so anxious to get a new heart. "All the same," said the Scarecrow, "I shall ask for brains instead of a heart; for a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one." "I shall take the heart," returned the Tin Woodman; "for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world." (L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz)

Notice, there was a man who was once real and alive and in love. But after a series of blows, his humanity was reduced to efficiency. He became a sort of machine -a hollow man. At first, he did not even notice, for his condition made him an excellent woodman, as any person can become productive like a machine when he forgoes his heart. Notice also that it was the Wicked Witch who brought the disaster upon him. Baum's mythic tale reminds us that the Enemy knows how vital the heart is, even if we do not, and all his forces are fixed upon its destruction. For if he can disable or deaden your heart, then he has effectively foiled the plan of God, which was to create a world where love reigns. By taking out your heart, the Enemy takes out you, and you are essential to the Story.

You'll notice he's been rather effective.

I find it almost hard to believe a case must be made that this heart is...well, at the heart of it all. Of life. Of each person. Of God. And of Christianity. But our Enemy has come against us, and now we are all in some way like the Tin Woodman. We, too, have suffered a series of blows over time. And we, too, have seized upon efficiency, busyness, and productivity as the life we will live instead. Now we are lost. Dazed. Alert and oriented times zero. Sleepwalking through life. In order to find our way ouf ot these woods, we must return to the heart.

THE HEART IS CENTRAL

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

Prov. 4:23

waking the dead -i. arm yourselves

WE ARE AT WAR

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

Have you ever wondered why Jesus married those two statements? Did you even know he spoke them at the same time? I mean, he says them in one breath. And he has his reasons. By all means, God intends life for you. But right now that life is opposed. It doesn't just roll in on a tray. There is a thief. He comes to steal and kill and destroy. In other words, yes, the offer is life, but you're going to have to fight for it because there's an Enemy in your life with a different agenda.

There is something set against us.

We are at war.

How I've missed this for so long is a mystery to me. Maybe I've overlooked it; maybe I've chosen not to see. We are at war. I don't like that fact any more than you do, but the sooner we come to terms with it, the better hope we have of making it through to the life we do want. This is not Eden. You probably figured that out. This is not Mayberry; this is not Seinfeld's world; this is not Survivor. The world in which we live is a combat zone, a violent clash of kingdoms, a bitter struggle unto the death. I'm sorry if I'm the one to break this news to you: you were born into a world at war, and you will live all your days in the midst of a great battle, involving all the forces of heaven and hell and played out here on earth.

Where did you think all this opposition was coming from?

Earlier in the Story, back in the beginning of our time on earth, a great glory was bestowed upon us. We all -men and women- were created in the image of God. Fearfully and wonderfully made, fashioned as living icons of the bravest, wisest, most stunning Person who ever lived. Those who have ever seen him fell to their knees without even thinking about it, as you find yourself breathless before the Grand Canyon or the Alps or the sea at dawn. That glory was shared with us; we were, in Chesterton's phrase, "statues of God walking about in a Garden," endowed with a strength and beauty all our own. All that we ever wished we could be, we were -and more. We were fully alive.

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers -the moon and the stars you have set in place- what are mortals that you should think of us, mere humans that you should care for us? For you made us only a little lower than God, and you crowned us with glory and honor. (Ps. 8:3-5)

I daresay we've heard a bit about original sin, but not nearly enough about original glory, which comes before sin and is deeper to our nature. We were crowned with glory and honour. Why does a woman long to be beautiful? Why does a man hope to be found brave? Because we remember, if only faintly, that we were once more than we are now. The reason you doubt there could be a glory to your life is because that glory has been the object of a long and brutal war.

For lurking in that Garden was an Enemy. This mighty angel had once been glorious as well, the captain of the Lord's hosts, beautiful and powerful beyond compare. But he rebelled against his Creator, led a great battle against the forces of heaven, and was cast down. Banished from his heavenly home, but not destroyed, he waited for an opportunity to take his revenge. Unable to overthrow the Mighty One, he turned his sights on those who bore his image. He lied to us about where true life was to be found, and we believed him. We fell, and "our glory faded," as Milton said, "faded so soon." Or as David lamented, "You turn my glory into shame" (Ps. 4:2).

But God did not abandon us, not by a long shot. I think even a quick read of the Old Testament would be enough to convince you that war is a central theme of God's activity. There is the Exodus, where God goes to war to set his captive people free. Blood. Hail. Locusts. Darkness. Death. Plague after plague descends on Egypt like a boxer's one-two punch, like the blows of some great ax. Pharoah releases his grip, but only for a moment. The fleeing slaves are pinned against the Red Sea when Egypt makes a last charge, hurtling down on them in chariots. God drowns those soldiers in the sea, every last one of them. Standing in shock and joy on the opposite shore, the Hebrews proclaim, "The LORD is a warrior!" (Ex. 15:3). Yahweh is a warrior. [...]

Many people think the theme of war ends with the Old Testament. Not at all. Jesus says, "I did not come to bring peace, but a sword" (Matt. 10:34). In fact, his birth involved another battle in heaven:

A great and wondrous sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on his heads...The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that he might devour her child the moment it was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who will rule all the nations with an iron scepter...And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven...Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring -those tho obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus. (Rev. 12:1-5, 7-8, 17)

The birth of Christ was an act of war, an invasion. The Enemy knew it and tried to kill him as a babe (Matt 2:13). No pale-faced altar boy, the whole life of Christ is marked by battle and confrontation. He kicks out demons with a stern command. He rebukes a fever, and it leaves Peter's mother-in-law. He rebukes a storm, and it subsides. He confronts the Pharisees time and again to set God's people free from legalism. In a loud voice he wakes Lazarus from the dead. He descends to hell, wrestles the keys of hell and death from Satan, and leads a train of captives free (Eph. 4:8-9, Rev. 1:18). And when he returns, I might point out, Jesus will come mounted on a steed of war, with his robe dipped in blood, armed for battle (Rev. 19:11-15).

War is not just one among many themes in the Bible. It is the backdrop for the whole Story, the context for everything else. God is at war. He is trampling out the vineyards where the grapes of wrath are stored. And what is he fighting for? Our freedom and restoration. The glory of God is man fully alive. In the meantime, Paul says, arm yourselves, and the first piece of equipment he urges us to don is the belt of truth (Eph. 6:10-18). We arm ourselves by getting a good, solid grip on our situation, by getting some clarity on the battle over our lives. God's intentions toward us are life. Those intentions are good. Forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes. [...]

Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90% of what is happening around us and to us. It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it. Worse, we will begin to accept some really awful things about God. That four-year-old girl being molested by her daddy -that is "God's will"? That ugly divorce that tore your family apart -God wanted that to happen too? And that plane crash that took the lives of so many -that was desired by God?

Most people get stuck at some point because God appears to have abandoned them. He is not coming through. Speaking about her life with a mixture of disappointment and cynicism, a young woman recently said to me, "God is rather silent right now." Yes, it' s been awful. I don't discount that for a moment. She is unloved; she is unemployed; she is under a lot. But her attitude strikes me as deeply naive, on the level of someone caught in a cross fire who asks, rather shocked and with a sense of betrayal, "God, why won't you make them stop firing at me?" I'm sorry, but that's not where we are right now. It's not where we are in the Story. That day is coming, later, when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and we'll beat swords into plowshares. For now, it's bloody battle.

YOU MUST FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE